“Treatment resistant depressive disorder/bipolar II/personality traits”
A disjointed sentence that doesn’t define me but has caused, in both good and bad ways, my self definition.
This is me (Emma/Em);
18 years old/5″10/volunteer/lover/occasional fighter/obsessive/ex-self harmer/vintage wearing depressive manic depressive.
Don’t “about me’s” always make you cringe?
Sounds like you need to get on some decent meds pronto. Hopefully now they’ve diagnosed you this will happen. Good luck
That’s kinda cute. In a OCD way. It made me smile.
Cute but controls alot of my life. Sometimes it’s relaxing to sort things and tidy other times when it’s compulsive, it’s harrowing. x
“I’ve also found that objects have the tendency to move towards and away from me alot.”
That reminds me of a feeling I used to get when I was untreated of being small and big at the same time… like I was growing and shrinking. I’ve only met one other person who had the same feeling so I’m not sure if it’s associated with the disease or not.
Some of the sounds I used to think were auditory hallucinations while untreated have, now treated, turned out to have reasonable causes… it was my inability to reason that turned them into Something Else.
A couple of blogs you may like:
http://perfectdefect.wordpress.com/
http://experimentalchimp.wordpress.com/
They’re both working their way through the UK health care maze as well.
When I spoke to my psychiatrist about the movement, she called them perceptive hallucinations. Since we last spoke, both auditory and visual have worsened, or at least that’s how I see it.
Thankyou for the comment and the links. Take care x
Wow I see a lot of similarities with how you feel, I’m BP2 mixed affective and rapid cycling. I’m with you on the OCD/Tidying and I have a tendency to break door handles (!). Sleep is a big issue for me too, even with a healthy dose of Depakote, I rarely sleep, glad to see I’m not alone.
I’m going to poke my nose around your blogs.
Stay safe.
-Beeper-
Cheers. Break door handles? Can’t say that’s something I’ve ever done
Take care x
I know… I never trust a door to be locked ha ha so constantly check them after locking, hence forcing them and they die
Should know better!
-Beeper-
Need some reinforced industrial style handles then m’dear. Diamond incrusted would be ideal, pretty and hard to break, though you’d prolly be bankrupt for your efforts lol! xx
You are only 18 but you have a good command of the language, don’t let this talent go unused.
Thankyou
Just under 3months til my 18th, it’s rather scary come to think of it. x
[...] myself some help. I was feeling horribly low, and also very anxious but I got help from the lovely Emma and after waiting for 20 minutes trying to sum up the courage, I went in. After a long wait I [...]
.. I came across this post today purely by accident (July 2008) .. Thank you for throwing some perspective on what I might be going through .. I´ve tried to speak with my GP but I always seem to gloss over the really obscure and embarrassing so as not to appear ´weird´ with the result being I´m given antidepressants which don´t seem to work .. I don´t have a ´real´ diagnosis for what is wrong with me .. hope all is good with you now .. njo
Hey Em.. I’ve just come through a major hyper-manic phase followed by one of the most debilitating lows I’ve experienced to date. Yet, I ain’t fucking ’round with a guage or a rope.. I seem to go through these episodes same time each year..thank fuck for meds and therapy.. How are you nowadays? Hope all is well.. njo
I’m good thanks, glad you’ve come through the episode. Bipolar definitely isn’t as fun as the media makes out. x