Well if my last post was anything to go by, bipolar and depression’s validity is being debated and I’m not too sure if I should post. The illness I’m suffering from or, have somehow thought myself into, has left me reeling. I’m not sure if I can handle the onslaught of whoever telling me that this isn’t genuine again. It is to me. I’m genuinely considering not posting for a while. This isn’t me being dramatic or indulgent, I can’t cope.
Today I’ve got one foot in a hangover and one foot still dancing drunk. I haven’t slept, I haven’t eaten and I should probably get in the shower now I’ve made it home. The only *positive* I can find from last night is that I successfully managed to drown the bad in my head. There was a moment early on where I got an old razor out, but it was soon back in my bag and nothing hurts so I’m assuming I’m okay.
Had a bit of a scare concerning my dad this morning. When I called to get someone to open the front door for me as I’d forgotten my key, I was told that my dad had been taken to hospital in the night. Few hours after I’d got home, he walks back in, high and happy from morphine, so I’m not too worried. Not sure what happened exactly. He has recurrent kidney stones and also the long term problem of his inter-vertebral discs wearing away, so in parts of his back it’s bone on bone. Very painful but means I can get hold of strong painkillers when I need them – he’s normally happy to share.
I don’t want to fight about how real or imagined this is. I’m shattered, mentally and physically. I can’t pull myself out of this.
Just a quick thankyou to those who stood up for me last night.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: A&E, Bipolar, Depression, Family, People
Please don’t stop blogging, you use this place as a outlay for getting out how you feel… don’t let someone else spoil that for you! Take care of yourself x
I just feel now that everything I’ve written needs to be disected. Which are metaphors, which aren’t. I wish I didn’t but I feel like I’m back in the playground picking myself off the floor. If you read his – which I don’t recommend – it’s full of “men are victims” lark. Making your man go to church apparently makes you an abuser for one and I’m sure somewhere he commented on a response he got, saying something along the lines of why do women get angry when someone else has a different opinion. Why did he think it right to attack me like that, and especially with his non-existant medical degree in tow.
Alcohol is a depressant. You are drinking alcohol. Time to take responsibility for depressing yourself.
I know how annoying it is when people tell you not to care about what other people say to you or think about you, and how hard it is, but, in a completely non-patronising way, I really want to tell you that I’m done with being patient and rational because he is getting on every nerve I have (and just can’t sod off, apparently) and that manupmen is, from what I can glean from his rather pointless and offensive remarks, intent on getting (virtually) beaten around the head by any number of your readers and determined to make a fool of himself. Why?
Look, if you want to talk about anti-psychiatry, I recommend not coming to a mental health blog. Go here: http://www.antipsychiatry.org/ because even if your arguments are rational and concise, you’re not going to make any headway with them by attacking a teenager and her friends on her personal blog. It’s quite creepy, the way you’re following her.
Either that, or – you know how little kids are rude to other little kids they fancy, and follow them round? Em, I think you got an admirer…
Suzy x
Oh bloody hell, I’m well aware alcohol is a depressant but it’s not meant to be in that sense.Over a long period of time alcohol can cause depression but when they say depressant they mean it supresses brain function, slows things down, slurs your words. I’m not an idiot. I know it can make things worse but I also know that there have been times when I’ve felt good when drinking.
I didn’t cause my depression. It’s a genetic predisposition. Some people are born with the vulnerability of developing mood disorders. You suppose I caused that somehow? Or is it my parents fault? Neither. Do you think that when I was 8 and first had these thoughts, that I was depressing myself. After all I certainly wasn’t drinking. Or how about when it became “severe clinical depression” when I was 12, again minus the alcohol…my fault?
Suzy,
I am not following anyone. The comments come into my blog automatically.
Depression is not your “fault.” It is your responsibility.
Simple, irrefutable advice: stop drinking.
Why are you back? Leave me alone okay.
I will leave you alone. Stop commenting on me and the comments will stop coming to my blog.
You propose that I stop commenting on my own blog? How does that work out?
Suit yourself.
Stop coming back, I don’t know why you’re getting my comments on your blog but you could ignore them if you find them so exasperating that you insist on coming back again and again to talk out of your arse.
You will remember me the day you start to recover. Goodbye.
I’m in treatment.
Are you sure you’re recovered? It’s definitely debatable the way you go on with yourself. Maybe you should seek help for your overinflated ego.
This is the fourth time you have been abusive.
No, this is the forth time I’ve pointed out the blatantly obvious.
Abusers always try to convince people that their abuse is based on the “obvious.”
Oh right so I’m “abusing” you now. You realise how offensive this is to the people who are ACTUALLY abused don’t you.
And, if I remember correctly, it was you who initiated the “abuse”, not me. I retaliate and suddenly I’m construed as the big bad (female) wolf. Your arguments are ridiculous Seriously ridiculous. I’ll use your church – abuse theory for example. I can appreciated that men can be victims too but you neglect the fact that most ACTUAL, GENIUNE abuse is from man to woman. To say that asking your husband or whatever you were ranting about, to go to church is abuse, is belittling everyone who has genuinely suffered at the hands of their partner.
You are offensive. You are abusive. And me not being the little controlled woman has obviously pissed you off.
70 percent of all domestic violence is done by women against men.
And yes, you are abusive. Abusers always try to minimize what they do.
To follow your childish example…you started it, not me.
Men perpetrate ninety-two percent of all domestic violence or abuse against women.
- http://www.essortment.com/all/whatisdomestic_rekw.htm
Where do you get your stats from then?
Regardless, if you do chose to reply, I won’t be returning the favour.
Abusers typically say the abuse is the victim’s fault.
You may research all you want at http://www.batteredmen.com
2 women a week in the UK are killed by their male partner or ex-partner.
The majority of the domestic violence that involves women perpetrators to male victims is in self-defence.
Emma, do not stop posting in your blog on account of one narrow minded person who thinks they are omnipotent.
Remember, there are an awful lot of us out here ho understand what you are feeling and going through, and have been through it ourselves. There are people who want to support you, don’t let one person stand in the way of that.
xx
Thankyou.
Really thankyou, just feeling hopeless right now. It’s hard to see past this brick wall. xx
Of course I might be told that the wall doesn’t exist but you know what I mean at least xx
Ruth
A man is physically abused by a woman every 38 seconds. Don’t be narrow minded.
[...] my thinking about (and you can read the somewhat verging on obnoxious and abusive comments here and here) is the notion of an online therapeutic community. A group of people who would not know each other [...]
Emma: the wall most certainly exists and it is beginning to hurt with everyone banging their heads against it.
Manupmen: don’t you dare tell me that I am narrow minded. I accept that both men and women are victims and perpetrators of domestic violence. However, due to their physical size and strength most women receive worse injuries than men. Of course women are probably more likely to use verbal and emotional abuse, which is as bad, but men are more likely to kill.
And don’t tell me I don’t know what I am talking about as it has just taken my Mum 35 years of a physically, sexually, emotionally and verbally abusive marriage in which she has suffered numerous injuries (some of which life threatening) to summon up the courage to get a divorce. Why has it taken her so long? Because she believed she had done something wrong.
So you can climb down off your moral horse and soap box right now.
And possibly even apologise to some of the people whom you have angered and upset via your comments.
Ruth,
You are making stuff up. Men’s injuries are just as serious. Women abuse men when they are asleep, sick, recovering from surgery or otherwise disabled.
You people are helping this depressed person continue to abuse alcohol, and then you enable him/her even more by clucking your tongues over the “disease.” QUIT DRINKING! YOU ARE DEPRESSING YOURSELF. Any other stance is irresponsible, You can call me names and claim depression is a disease all you want, but if you condone drinking for a depressed person, it is like giving a lung cancer patient a cigarette.
You know what? You are so hell bent on your own viewpoint and unwilling to open your eyes to other ways of thinking, that you are actually quite boring to argue with.
Ruth,
I am not trying to be entertaining; I am trying to be accurate.
When you name your blog “Drunk and Disordered,” you are saying you value alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant. Drink it while depressed, and you will remain depressed. Sheesh. Simple.
I’m sorry but I can’t take this anymore. It’s over. You’re getting blocked.
What a damn good idea.
I’m sorry Em, I tried my hardest to make him see sense and to stop being abusive/irritating but some people are obviously not for the changing.
Don’t let him get to you hun.
xx
His email is now in the block list so hopefully it’ll work.
I know it sounds stupid but how can I post comfortably if I’m met with that and his dissection. This was meant to be somewhere I could post without getting ridiculed or whatever. It was safe.
Thanks for trying Ruth and sorry he’s made his way to your blog. xx
His comments are still getting into spam.
I drink maybe once a week but I’m “an alcoholic”
Ignore him. This is a safe place for you to post without being ridiculed. He is one person out of many who read your blog.
I have not blacklisted him on my blog too. I don’t mind people questioning my viewpoint but when they just say the same thing over and over again, it begins to nark me.
Stay safe,
xx
You too xxx
Jesus Christ manupmen, stop being such a colossal moron.
Ignore him Ems, there are people who are just out there to push you into a shit mood, and he looks like one of them =/
Don’t stop blogging though. Please?
Thought about stopping but I’m not, everyone’s been really lovely about it and I’ve blocked him – though he keeps getting through to my spam box – so I’ll carry on for now.
Thanks xx
He gets pleasure out of commenting on all kinds of blogs and winding people up…
http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=manupmen&meta=
or check out his own blog…
http://manupmen.wordpress.com/
You could attempt to mark his comments as spam so they won’t show…
Hi!
Please don’t stop blogging.
My thoughts are with you.
Thankyou!
Everyone’s lovely seriously. Annoyed that I let him get to me now xxx
Just bear in mind that you’re not the only one who let him get to you, ok?
How’re you feeling now? Just read your post. Stay special xx
Sore, stupid, embarrassed, ashamed, on edge, wanting to do it again.
The same old, same old really.
It’s been 9 months since I last cut and I still think about it every single day. There somewhere you can go or someone you can talk to…I’m always around if you need xx
I wish I could get back to that stage of not having done it for a while. I found the longer it had been, the more incentive there was to not do it.
I’m perfectly OK at home. I’m going to put my PJs on and watch Corrie to my heart’s content. What a classy girl I am, eh?
Thanks for the offer of support, but I can’t push my insecurities onto you. You’ve got your own issues to sort out at the moment hun.
xx
Ah well I went from old Pj’s to fresh PJ’s earlier and I’m having low fat rice pudding for tea while I watch Corrie so I wouldn’t worry about the classiness. Stay special xx
Maybe manupmen has some sort of crazy fetish… he gets off by pissing off people.